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Birthday Cake Winner 

9/18: Kristle Messer

 


JOKE OF THE DAY

"Doctor, I have problems with my eyesight."

"Yes you do! This is a hot dog stand."

Doctor: "Hello, did you come to see me with an eye problem?"

Patient: "Wow, yes, how can you tell?"

Doctor: "Because you came in thru the window instead of the door!"



How many Houston Texans does it take to win the Super bowl?

Nobody knows and we may never find out!


How can you tell if an Auburn football player has a girlfriend?

There's tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck!


I've started investing in stocks: beef, chicken and vegetable...... One day I hope to be a bouillonaire!



In a boomerang shop: "I'd like to buy a new boomerang please.  ALso, can you tell me how to throw the old one away?"

What hard rock group has four dudes but neither of them plays a guitar?

Mount Rushmore.


How do you kill a male walrus?

Point to his chest and say, "You've got something there!"


"Oh no, Roger, why did you two split up?"

"She's a liar and a chat!  She said she was the whole night at her sister's"

"So?  Maybe she was."

"Yeah, no way!  I was the whole night at her sister's!"

Mushroom walks in a bar, bartender says "Hey, you can't drink here."

Mushrooms says "Why not, I'm a Fun-gi!"


Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher?

There was no chemistry.


What's the difference between a car and a politician? 

You get to test-drive a car.


"I've Combined a laxative and alphabet soup.  I call it 'Letter Rip'."

It's so HOT.... 

-I saw a dog chasing a cat and they both were walkin'

-you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

-the four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot and ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

-the trees are whistling for the dogs

-you start buying stock in Gatorade

-the chickens are laying hard boiled eggs


Why does Mississippi see so many voters at the polls?

Because it has 4 eyes!

What did one pig say to another at the beach?

I'm bacon!


Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame that they'll never meet!

I entered 10 puns in a pun contest hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did!

I broke my finger last week. 

On the other hand, I'm OK.

How does Moses make his coffee?

Hebrews it!

Someone stole my mood ring, I don't know how I feel about that!


You don't need  a parachute to go skydiving, you need a parachute to go skydiving TWICE!

My wife accused me of being immature.

I told her to get out of my fort!

I bought a dog off a blacksmith.  As soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door!

 

A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of a coughing syrup.
Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks: “Well? Are you still coughing?”
The patient replies: “No. I’m afraid to.” 

 


Guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for helicopter flavored chips.

Bartender says, "Sir, we only serve plane chips"


Give a man a fish and you will feed him for the day.

Teach a man to fish and he's going to spend a fortune on gear he'll only be using twice a year!


Teacher: "Who do you think invented dancing, children?

Little Johnny: "My guess is a big Irish Family with only one bathroom!"


A battery and a firework were arrested.  They charged one, and let the other one off.

 

What did one penny say to the other penny?

"Let's get together and make some cents!"


Doctor: Your test results you'll easily live to be 80.

Patient: But, wait, I am 80 just now.

Doctor: See, I told you to live healthier!



Waiter, I am outraged.  There is one hair in my soup.

Well, what do you expect for this price, a whole wig?!


 

My brother & I tried out for a pro baseball team but we had sinus problems.

No team would sign us.

I got another letter from this lawyer today.  It said "Final Notice".  Good that he will not bother me anymore.


At an interview: "In the beginning, you'll be earning $20,000, later on it can go up to $40,000."

"OK! I'll come again later then."


Why do gas station managers keep their restrooms locked?

Because they are afraid someone might sneak in and clean them!

 

"Have you been sleeping by an open window, like I told you?" asks the doctor.

"Yes, just like you said, doc."

"And is the bronchitis gone now?"

"Not yet, so far the only things gone are my laptop and cellphone."

What did the stamp say to the envelope?

You stick with me and I will take you places!


I did a self-defense course.  I wouldn't recommend anyone to attack me in slow motion now.


Why do people never eat clocks?

Because it's really time consuming.



Pessimist: "Things just can't get any worse!"

Optimist: "Nah, of course they can!"

 

 Do you know what makes me smile?  My facial muscles.

 

An Eskimo brings his friend home for a visit.  When they arrive, his friend asks, puzzled -  "So, where's your igloo?"

The friend replies "Oh no!  I must have left the iron on..."

 

My mom loves gardening.  She was so excited that spring finally arrived, she wet her plants.


 Monday – Friday     6am-10am

"Wake Up With the Giant” with Rosco and Michelle. Rosco has been the voice and friend to generations of Miss-Lou listeners for over 30 years and Michelle has worked in recording studios, television and radio for over 20 years.  

The duo delivers a show that is full of information, news, weather, birthdays, the first joke of the day and a “Must Do’s” list of community activities, local interviews and the absolute best country music.  If it’s happening anywhere in the Miss-Lou, you’ll hear about it on 95 Country’s “Wake Up With the Giant" show with Rosco and Michelle.

Connect with Michelle Peyroux on

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As the Bahamas try to recover from the destruction Hurricane Dorian left in its wake, the country music community has come up with a way to help.

Darius Rucker, Randy Houser and Sugarland’s Kristian Bush are just a few of the many artists who will come together for a star-studded benefit concert next Monday (Sept. 16) at the historic Ryman Auditorium. Announced Monday (Sept. 9) by songwriter Patrick Davis, the concert will also showcase the talents of Devin DawsonJames Otto and Hootie & the Blowfish’s Mark Bryan.

Davis is also the founder of Songwriters in Paradise, a music festival that has taken place in Hope Town on the Abaco Islands in the Bahamas for the last eight years. According to various news reports, the Abaco Islands experienced utter devastation as a result of the catastrophic Category 5 storm, with countless people still missing nearly a week after the hurricane. The Abaco Islands are normally home to over 17,000 people.

At least 44 people were confirmed killed during the storm, but that number is expected to rise in the days, weeks and months ahead.

In addition to this benefit concert, Davis and members of the Songwriters in Paradise family have also set up a GoFundMe campaign that has already raised more than $350,000 — money is already helping those who need it the most as they continue to wait for government aid.

Tickets for the September 16 benefit concert, which will also include an online auction featuring one-of-a-kind items, will go on sale Tuesday (Sept. 10) at 10am at both Ryman.com and ticketmaster.com. Ticket prices range from $35-$250.


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